Have you ever suspected that there was something seriously wrong with you?  I don’t mean something little, like maybe you’re in a public place and you’ve got something stuck in your teeth.  I mean something BIG, and you’re just not sure what it is.  But you’re definitely sure that it is there, that it exists.  And you know that it’s there by the way people react to you.  Maybe you want people to like you, and they don’t.  Maybe you want people to think that you’re cool, and they don’t.  Maybe women don’t find you as attractive as you think they should.  Maybe people don’t trust you with as much of their trust as you think you’ve earned.  Yes, I don’t know exactly what it is… but you do.  You know that something’s not quite right.  And you’re not sure why it’s not right… but you’re sure that it isn’t.  And it’s there.  Right now, and all the time, it’s there, it’s real, it’s a part of you, and it’s getting in the way of your success.

Or maybe you DO know what it is that’s wrong.  And it’s big.  You lack confidence, you’re not good-looking, you’re bald, you’re short, you’re poor, you’re fat, this body part is too little, and/or that body part is too big.  You have no fashion sense.  You have no social skills.  You have a skin problem, and it’s not going away.  Uuuuggghhh!

Or, heaven forbid, you have several problems!  My sincere condolences if this is you.  If it is, go ahead and make a list of those problems right now, and, in just a moment when I talk to you about these problems, just think of all your problems as one big problem that way all of the “singular” grammar will still be correct in relation to you.  Thank you for this courtesy.  So anyway…

It’s a big problem, and it’s getting in the way of your dreams, your happiness, and your joy.  You know what I’m talking about?  Good.  And you can’t fix it.  Maybe you can’t even define it.  But you know it’s there. I want to talk to you about that problem, right now.  Are you ready?  This is serious, brother.  I’m going to lay it all on the line for you, right now, no nonsense.

So here it is. You, sir, are absolutely right.  There is something horribly wrong with you.  Yes.  You.  And I know exactly what it is.  I want you to know that I’m sorry you’ve been trying to overcome this for so long.  Really. I am sorry, and I can totally relate, because I also know how difficult it is to try and overcome big hurdles in the path of unavoidable success.

Furthermore, the reason you haven’t been able to fix the problem, is because you’ve misdefined what the problem actually is.  So, if you will allow me to discuss your problem with you, right out here in the open internet where everyone can see, I’d like to sum up your problem in a nutshell.  And I sincerely hope it helps you overcome this burden.  Because you’ve been wrestling with this for far, far too long.

You see, your problem is this:

You Believe That Something Is Fundamentally Wrong With You,

but,

There is Nothing Wrong With You,

and,

People Can Sense Your Mistaken Belief,

or at least,

They Can Sense That You Disagree With Them When They Think,

“The Problem Does Not Exist.  And Even if it Did Exist, it is Not a Problem.”

Seriously, brother.  Think about it.  And oh, by the way, if you think that I’m wrong, you may still pretend that I’m right for a little while, and see if the problem goes away for you.  There’s nothing wrong with pretending that the problem doesn’t exist, because you deal with the problem all the time, and you have my permission to go a little crazy for a while and pretend that it doesn’t.  Once you’re done pretending, if you choose to come back to believing the problem does exist, it’ll be right there waiting on you to pick it up and carry it around some more.  But either way, you’re absolutely right, so you can’t do anything wrong.  Your success is unavoidable.

Seriously brother, think about it.

GR

Recently, Patti Novak was appearing on Oprah.  Patti was dispensing dating/relationship advice, and she said something that I’ve heard before, but never from a woman’s mouth.  This probably isn’t a verbatim quote, but as true to form as I can remember, she said, “In these relationships, it’s important for men to feel like men.  We have to allow and encourage them to feel like men.”

Bravo Patti!

And I would also point out that, even if you’re not dating anyone, you are in a relationship with yourself. With your parents. With God, or the universe, or whatever you think is out there.  A relationship with everything and everyone you know around you.

So in all of these relationships, do you feel like a man?  Do you feel the mantle of manhood being elegantly carried on your shoulders?  Do you feel the joy and strength of masculine energy coursing through your being?  Have you ever had that feeling?  Do you even believe that such a feeling is possible?

You know, as men, we tend to process our life experiences primarily through our heads.  We focus on what we think.  But look at the women in your life.  They focus on their feelings and emotions.  How many times do they allow themselves to feel like women?  They get dressed up pretty, go out on the town, shop, flirt with random guys, talk on their phones all day and night with other women….  They allow themselves to feel like women!  And when one woman isn’t radiating feminine energy, other women surround her and help her feel her energy more.

But when you’re down, how often does one of your fellow men come to help you?  Maybe we should allow ourselves to feel like men sometimes.  Maybe we should allow ourselves to notice when one of our fellow men is radiating a positive masculine energy.

Do you even know what I’m talking about?  Maybe I’m talking about nothing more than feelings, than “vibe”.   Is there something you can do to uplift your emotions about this area of your life?  Sometimes when I need to lift my spirits, and feel my successful and powerful masculine nature, I do something like lift weights, exercise, play poker, ride a motorcycle, solve a puzzle, eat a nice steak, walk my dog, go talk to attractive women…  Do you have something you can do?

The next time you’re having trouble determining whether someone, or yourself, is acting like a man, or being a man…  Don’t think about it so much.  Try feeling it out.

GR

Recently, I was listening to Howard Stern intervew Sylvester Stallone.  Sly was promoting his new Rambo 4 movie.  Howard was asking Sly about his “crazy ex’s”, which included the rather notable trifecta of Janice Dickinson, Angie Everhart, and Brigitte Nielsen.  Stallone had dated all 3 of these women at some point in his life, and all 3 are somewhat infamous for being completely wacked out of their skulls.

Howard was asking Sly how it is that a famous, rich, handsome, celebrity man like him would stay with these troubled women for any amount of time, and be monogamous with them, when the presumption is that Sly could easily go out and get any woman he wants.  Why put up with the drama?  I don’t remember Sly’s exact words, but he said something about how when you’re younger, you “think you deserve somethings”, because you “think you don’t deserve any better”.

Oh.  My.  God.

Back in the 80’s when Stallone was on top of the world, in the prime of his life, even he had doubts and fears working on his mind.  Brother, if you’re like me, you’ve probably often thought to yourself that to be someone like Sly Stallone would take all of your problems away!  If you were a rich celebrity, you could get all the women you want, get invited to all the best parties, and have a much better life.  But apparently even Sly has had those moments of doubt, even at the time in his life when the brother appeared to be on top of the world…

 So my questions for today, for you and for me, are:

“What do I deserve?”

“Am I putting up with things in my life that don’t make me happy, simply because of my unspoken belief that I don’t deserve anything better?”

“Am I accepting a woman’s unacceptable behavior, simply because of my unspoken belief that I can’t get a better woman?”

“Am I failing to pursue my dreams and fantasies, because I harbor doubts about being worthy of achieving those dreams and fantasies?”

“Can I see how I’ve made decisions in the past that have actually perpetuated my own unhappiness?  Can I think of any time that I was responsible for creating an outcome that made me unhappy?”

 Think about it.  See if you can come up with anything.  I know I can.

GR 

Many writers on the topic of manhood discuss it almost exclusively within the context of attracting and seducing women.  Although I agree that women are naturally attracted to men of value, I sincerely hope that womens’ approval isn’t the only means for measuring our worth as men.  There are also many writers that discuss other aspects about manhood:  “Christian Man”, “Pick Up Artist”, “Male Leadership”, “Larger Penis”, “Bodybuilding”, “Warrior Spirit”, “Better Lover”… There certainly seems to be plenty of ways to prove your manhood to others.  But this begs the question, whenever you’re not proving that you are successfully carrying the mantle of manhood, how do you know you’re still holding onto it?  If you’re not looking into the mirror, how do you know your face still exists?